33 Years

Given the potential for reaching 100 years old, I have, hopefully, two thirds of life to embark on countless adventures and experiences. And finally having the ability to be present without anxiety or depression taking over will allow myself to reflect on my past and look forward to the future.

Anxiety has been a part of my life for nearly 20 years. From late childhood until recently, I struggled to cope and understand how to manage my debilitating anxiety. Running was introduced into my life in childhood and that was an amazing way to free myself of the anxious thoughts; all I had to do was move my legs and run. I was never the fastest on the field or track, but I felt alive. The ability to run, though, allowed me to become a part of many local track and soccer teams in my childhood and adolescences. But I never fully learned how to make friends, despite much guidance and push from my parents.

I did make one “friend” when I was in elementary and middle school. But it eventually delved into a horrying experience with bullying and unpleasant situations. Some of which I am still dealing with emotionally. Therapy and meditation are helping to heal those wounds over time. It certainly did leave wounds with how I managed high school and college, pushing me to be secluded and alone despite lots of opportunities to join with others.

I do have regrets that I did not push past my insecurities and anxieties, but we can't change the past. We can only move forward.

I did start to free myself from the debilitating anxious thoughts out of school, slowly. When I started my first job at Taco Bell at the fresh age of 18, it allowed me to open up out of my shell and learn how to be in a close relationship with my first girlfriend. It was a struggle, for sure. Lots of mistakes but lots of happy moments. But my emotional instability did not let the relationship last long; it ended after 2-3 years.

But it gave me the confidence to venture off into a running group in Philly every Wednesday night and meet other people not in my work-college life. Probably the coolest group at the time; Run and Chug, we were called. While the name is not glamorous, it allowed me to keep up my fitness and explore the many bars and restaurants in downtown Philadelphia. Including getting involved in hundreds of local races, even some in other states like Illinois, New York, and Washington D.C.

Around 2015, I received a message from a guy named Michael. It was during an annual family trip to the beach. It started off pretty well; eventually leading to a Broadway date in September. The show was an adaptation of the film, Finding Neverland, for the stage. It starred Matthew Morrison, famous for Glee. Unfortunately, when we went, that actor was feeling under the weather and his understudy was performing. Still a lovely show and an excellent way to meet Michael for the first time.

Since that first date until I decided to move into his apartment in 2017, we met at various places around New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania. He is the kindest, most intelligent guy I have ever known. And he helped and continues to help make me the man I am today. Even introducing me to the lovely supportive LGBTQIA+ community around us.

Moving in together was certainly a learning curve for myself, considering I had never lived away from my parents until that point in my life. But Michael’s patience and guidance allowed both of us to learn and adapt gracefully. Eventually allowing us to feel comfortable to purchase our first home in Glens Falls, NY. It truly was a perfect storm; it was the last lot on the block, in 2021, before interest rates and house prices started to rise.

Especially rewarding about moving into this area was the incredible discovery of a company called GlobalFoundries, a relatively small computer chip manufacturer in Malta, NY, just 30 minutes sound of Glens Falls. I have been there for seven years as a contractor and then as an employee in their outbound logistics department. Every shift has been incredibly rewarding, though stressful at times.

Every day, I continue to grow as a husband, community volunteer, employee, and a person. And I am excited for what the future brings!